Heidi Klum and Seal file for divorce ...

OtagoPaul · Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:54 pm Post subject:

I thought we all were?

I am for sure. It's feckin freezing and it's allegedly the middle of summer.

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BarrieB · Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:45 am Post subject:

You're stood upside down it's winter in civilization.

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OtagoPaul · Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 2:11 pm Post subject:

If you're in the US Barrie, I'd say you're miles from civilisation. Smile

(note the correct spelling of civilisation, chaps)

It frickin snowed on the mountains last night, goddamit!

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BarrieB · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:20 am Post subject:

I sir, am in England, bloody spellchecker. Smile

Cheeky bloody colonial.

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Don · Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:39 pm Post subject:

Listen, England's fallen a bit from the "Sun Never Sets" days, and The USA isn't doing that well either. How about we pool our resources and form Englerica. May as well include Australia. We'll need Canada too, for defensive purposes and the cheap prescription drugs. We'll call Quebec's bluff though and let them go free. If we decide we want the land later, they'll surrender quickly. They're French.

I'm undecided if we should tell New Zealand. Everyone here already thinks it's part of Australia and it would just piss the Kiwis off if they had to explain it all again. Maybe we can make them a territory like Guam. Once Castro kicks the bucket we can send the Marines in to retake Cuba and have them grab the Bahamas too.

We'll go with a modified Parliamentary system. Meryl Streep can be Prime Minister. You can keep the peerage system but the Windsors have to find a job. Maybe Disneyland, they're big on princes and princesses and Charles does look a bit like Mickey Mouse. You've already got Bermuda, so we'll move the government there from Washington DC. It will make it easier to bomb them if they get too proud.

Production values on your TV and movies will improve immensely, and we get to claim Bond as one of ours. All of the good British actors are already in Hollywood anyway. You'll gain a trouble automobile business with out of control unions, it'll be like old times. Starbucks has pretty much taken coffee to the limit, this will allow them to grow the business with tea.

We have dentists here. We'll let you keep the "ou" in your words. Americans can't spell the words they have now, they'll never notice the change. In exchange, you'll have to give up anti-clockwise, lorry, barrister and a few other words. We may keep arse, it has a nice ring to it.

You give us tasty beer, we'll give you tasty food. It's a win-win situation. Looks like Germany is the only country that's got it goin' on in Europe and you know what happens when they get too uppity.

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BarrieB · Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:43 am Post subject:

We can send the French Canadians to Australia to get rid of the cane toads & put the Kiwis there as well to give some order to all the descendants of the criminals we sent to the penal colony.

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OtagoPaul · Posted: Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:25 pm Post subject:

Don, you had me until "we'll give you tasty food".

Are you suggesting McDonald's or Burger King or (heaven forfend) KFC? Someone will have to go to the Chair for those abominations for this to go through. You guys can decide who.

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OtagoPaul · Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:41 am Post subject:

BarrieB · Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:29 am Post subject:

I am very close to & sometimes work in Birmingham.

I think Don meant pizza or possibly steak hung for a month, over here we get idiots bragging that steak has been hung for 10 days.

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BarrieB · Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:32 am Post subject:

Which Newcastle by the way, Newcastle On Tyne or Newcastle Under Lyme?

I'm closer to the latter.

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Don · Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 3:30 pm Post subject:

sd10521 · Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:24 pm Post subject:

KFC is not bad if you only go there once every two years.

Sudsman · Grump Joined: 16 Nov 2011 Posts: 113

OtagoPaul · Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 6:01 pm Post subject:

But Suds, as a man in the food biz you recognise genius when you see it?

technical note, I'm not a vegemite man, I'm a marmite man, but not British marmite, which is different from the stuff they serve in this corner of the Empire (hat-tip Barrie). It's a complicated business. Add marmite to your gravy, your life will never be the same again.

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Reggie · Bastard Joined: 11 Nov 2011 Posts: 953 Location: MinnySOta

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